


From tiny steps, long journeys are made

by fleurlb



Category: Last Tango In Halifax
Genre: Backstory, Developing Relationship, F/F, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-01-21 05:47:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12450876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurlb/pseuds/fleurlb
Summary: How Kate broke through Caroline's ice cold, polite exterior and how they ended up making out in Caroline's office the first time.





	From tiny steps, long journeys are made

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wrabbit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrabbit/gifts).



Before he got sick, Kate's father used to say that all of life was just pattern recognition. See enough of the messiness of life, and you'd learn how to recognize situations and adapt to them. Kate had sensed a certain level of unease and distraction from Caroline in their interactions lately, and her pattern recognition skills were telling her that something was going on at home.

This instinct was confirmed one Friday when Kate was cutting across the courtyard and found Caroline's husband stumbling into the school grounds as a taxi sped away.

“Excuse me, can I help you?” she asked, keeping her tone light and neutral.

“I need to talk to my wife. Do you know my wife?” he slurred, appending something that sounded a little like 'castrating bitch' but might have been 'catastrophic witch'. Either way, it didn't sound good.

“I think I do. You're Caroline's husband....John, is it?” she asked as he tripped. She put out a hand to stop his fall, but he brushed her roughly away.

“I'm fine. I've been here before. I can find her office on my own.”

“I think she has a meeting right now. How about if you just pop into her car here and I'll have her come down to you.” Kate said a silent prayer that Caroline hadn't locked the car door as she reached for the back door on the driver's side.

“Yes, I suppose, that seems not a bad idea. I can wait here,” muttered John. He heaved himself into the back seat and slumped across it. Kate checked that his limbs were clear and then shut the door and leaned against it.

Sighing, she took out her mobile and rang Bev's office phone and asked to be put through to Caroline as a matter of urgency.

“Kate, I really can't talk now. I only have fifteen more minutes to prepare before addressing the full board.”

“John is here.”

“Oh shit. Here where?”

“I put him in your car. He's in a bad way, Caroline.”

“Is he now? I'll be there in two minutes.”

Kate could already hear high heels clattering on stone when she disconnected the call. She pictured Caroline in mid-stride, then blushed and cleared her head with a shake.

“What the hell is he doing here?” hissed Caroline as she burst out the door and down the stairs to her car.

“I don't know. I found him stumbling around and convinced him to wait for you here.”

They both looked in the back window. John was passed out across the backseat.

“I cannot deal with this now.”

“I can drive him home,” said Kate, holding out her hand for Caroline's keys.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I'm not teaching for the next two hours. I have class prep this period and grading next.”

Caroline reached into her handbag and found her keys. She opened the door and stepped back while Kate climbed in.

“The only wrinkle in this plan is that I don't know where he calls home these days,” said Caroline as she opened the back door and shook John roughly.

“Where to, John?”

He muttered an address then Caroline slammed the door. She opened Kate's door and leaned across her as she tapped the screen of the built-in sat nav. Kate's stomach flipped, and she inhaled the citrusy smell of Caroline. She felt almost like she was having an out-of-body experience and could see that her hands were gripping the steering wheel tight enough to make the veins in her hands pop out.

“I could take him to the train station. Put him on a train to Wales,” said Kate.

Caroline straightened up and smiled. “You've no idea how tempting that is. But best deliver him to York. And thank you.”

“It's no problem. See you soon.”

“Mind how you go.”

Kate waited until Caroline had gone into the building before she pulled away, wondering what, exactly, she'd gotten herself into.

^^^

Kate got back to the school with just enough time to return Caroline's keys. She found her in her office, staring blankly at a spreadsheet.

“He's safely delivered,” said Kate, putting the keys on her desk.

“Damn sight more than he deserves. Thank you, again. You really saved me there,” said Caroline. She took her glasses off and smiled at Kate in a way that made her want to stop time and live inside that look.

“It was really no problem.”

Caroline sighed. “I can't imagine what you must think of me. I am so sorry that my personal life interfered with your work day.”

“Caroline, I assure you. There's nothing that could happen that would make me think less of you.”

“Yes, well. I still wish it hadn't happened.”

“Just one more thing - he thought I was a taxi driver and insisted on paying me.” Kate put three 20-pound notes next to the keys.

“I'm so sorry,” said Caroline, a blush rising in her cheeks. She looked like she was debating something for a moment. “Sod it. Let's go out for a nice meal on him tomorrow night. I mean, unless you have other plans?”

“I don't. Nothing that won't keep.”

“Good, that settles it then. I'll collect you at half-six?”

Kate nodded and turned to rush out to teach her class. Which had the added benefit of hopefully hiding what she was sure was a giddy and foolish grin.

^^^  
“And that's the long and the long of it,” said Caroline, taking a sip of her coffee. They'd polished off a bottle of wine with dinner, which Kate suspected was the real impetus for all the sharing that had gone on.

“May I speak frankly?” asked Kate.

“Yes, of course. Always.”

“It sounds like you're well shot of him. I mean, it's unfortunate, for the boys, but he's an idiot to leave you. You deserve so much better.” Kate's fingers itched to reach across the table and take Caroline's hand, so much so that she busied herself with adding more sugar to her tea.

“I'm sorry – I've completely monopolized the conversation. Tell me about your marriage. Was there another woman?” asked Caroline in a transparent attempt to change the conversation.

“No....well, sort of. It was...complicated.”

“Apologies. I shouldn't pry,” said Caroline, her tone bordering on flustered.

Kate felt a surge of bravery. “We had some losses. And then, we decided to celebrate our...I don't know....freedom, so we had a girlfriend. A mutual girlfriend. And it was lovely for about three months. And then I realized that we were just using this person to paper over the cracks in our relationship. And it wasn't fair and it wasn't right. So I moved out.”

Caroline's mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Kate could see that she'd left her wrong-footed, but she found she enjoyed the novelty of watching expressions cross Caroline's face unfiltered.

“I know. It's a big shocker.”

“Do you still have contact with them.... him... her?”

Kate's smile was sad as she shook her head. “No. She'd been a good friend, too. I really regret how that part of it turned out. I'm sorry if that was too much information.”

Caroline shook her head. “Not at all. It's always good to have a reminder that- to paraphrase Shakespeare- there's more to heaven and earth than was dreamt of in my philosophy.”

“Anyway, I'd been conflicted and ignoring a lot of things about myself, so I realized that I needed to be true to myself. And although I was sometimes attracted to men, the real deal was being with a woman.”

“Good for you,” said Caroline. “It's 2013. Times have changed so much, even from when I was in university.”

“This was a few years ago, but yeah, and really, if someone doesn't like it, that's their problem. Says more about them than it does about me.”

“Are you...seeing anyone now?”

Kate shook her head and tamped down the impulse to either make a joke or a pass at Caroline.

“Well, you can be assured of my discretion. I hope you know that.”

“Your discretion about what?”

“About the disclosure you made, about Richard. Just about anything, really.”

“Caroline, I'm not ashamed of anything. Well, maybe I have some guilt about how we treated Sylvia, but that's not about her being a woman. That's about something else entirely. How I am isn't a secret.”

“I'm sorry. I've offended you. I'm afraid that how I see the world is still rather old-fashioned sometime. I hope I haven't ruined the evening.”

Kate made a dismissive wave. “No, it's fine. It takes a lot more than that to ruin an evening.”

Caroline smiled. “Good. Because this is the nicest evening I've had in quite some time. I'd hate to think I'd ruined it.”

^^^

They settled into an easy routine of tea breaks, texts, and the occasional phone call. On weekends, they usually met up for coffee or lunch. Caroline couldn't remember the last time she had a friend. An actual friend who listened to her and made her laugh. She enjoyed the time that they spent together and found that she was willing to go to lengths to prolong the time.

“So, this is a little random,” said Kate during a Tuesday morning tea break. “But I won tickets to Tormorden Adventure World. They expire next weekend, and I was wondering if you wanted to do the zipline course with me.”

Caroline laughed and then stopped short. “Oh, you're....you're not joking. Aren't I a bit old for that sort of carry on?”

“What's your mum always saying lately about age? It's just a number?”

Caroline considered the offer. She didn't have the best head for heights, but she found that she wanted to spend time with Kate. And John was taking the boys to his cousin's wedding in Bradford, so she'd just be alone in the house otherwise.

“You know, I think that sounds like an.... _interesting_ thing to try. At least once in my life.”

Kate smiled and Caroline felt her heart lift, which she tried to squash down with her now customary refrain that they were just friendly colleagues.

“Good. I'll book a time and then we'll make plans for how to get there.”

 

^^^

Caroline fiddled with the straps of her helmet and then tried to remember how their tethers were meant to work.

“You've done this before, right?” she asked.

“No!” giggled Kate. Caroline could swear that her eyes were actually twinkling with excitement, while Caroline felt like she might vomit from fear. And they were still on the bloody ground.

“I was hoping you could remind me how these things work. I'm afraid I've forgotten the briefing already.”

“One tether is clipped onto the guide wire at all times. So you and your harness are always attached. And you use this,” Kate pointed to a bit of metal that looked like a broken pulley, “to zipline after the obstacles.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“You have a PhD. I'm sure you'll figure it out,” teased Kate.

Soon, it was their turn and Kate hooked her tether onto the guide wire and scampered up the wooden ladder to the first platform. The instructor nodded to Caroline, and she took a deep breath, then clipped on and started to climb.

The first few obstacles were relatively low to the ground and easy to navigate. Caroline enjoyed the first zip line, and she could see that Kate seemed to be enjoying herself too.

Then, about half-way through the course, they encountered a tight rope. Caroline watched as Kate seemed to glide over the tightrope with an easy grace. Caroline felt fear and something else, something thrumming and lustful that she tried to drive out by looking down. The 50-foot drop appalled her, but she found that she still felt that something.

As Kate called encouragement, she stepped onto the tightrope. It swayed under her weight, and she gasped and wanted to leap back into the platform. But she was stuck, frozen and terrified.

“Just take tiny steps. Hold onto your tether, if you have to,” called Kate.

The idea of clinging to the tether, when Kate hadn't needed it, vexed Caroline's competitive nature. She put her arms out, kept her chin up, and slowly shuffled her feet inch by terrifying inch along the jittering cable.

It was a long, slow process, inching and shimmying and struggling for balance. Kate came into view, and Caroline urged her mind not to wander. When she got within reach of the platform, Kate leaned out, grabbed her, and helped her up onto the platform. They stood too close together. Caroline's heart felt like it might leap from her chest and her legs felt like spaghetti.

“Is now a good time to tell you that I'm terrified of heights?”

Kate started to laugh, then stopped and put a gentle hand on Caroline's hand.

“Right after William was born, I was seized by this irrational fear of heights. I couldn't even drive over bridges for awhile.”

“I'm sorry. I had no idea--”

“No, it's good. I needed this. I had no idea how much I needed this.”

“Good,” said Kate and paused for a second. Caroline felt something, a charge, pass between them. But even 50-feet up on the adventure course, she felt eyes on them.

“We probably shouldn't hold everyone up,” said Kate, giving Caroline's hand a squeeze before she turned and clipped her tether onto the next guide wire.

The rest of the course passed without incident, although Caroline still felt that thrumming in her body. It reminded her of her student days, of being able to feel the bass line of a party through a row of terraced houses. She found it difficult to know where to look. If she looked down at the ground, she felt woozy. But if she watched Kate, all sinewy grace, she felt a different kind of woozy. 

The zip lines were exhilarating, but the rest of the course was hard work. Kate waited for her after each obstacle, calling encouragement and giving tips. When she finally joined Kate on the final platform, she felt like her arms might fall off and that her legs might not actually exist anymore.

"So, where's the ladder?" asked Caroline, only slightly out of breath after scrambling across a series of rickety log swings.  

"There's no ladder. It's a drop," said Kate. She smiled and gestured to a little diagram that showed a blocky figure clipped onto a rope. The rope dangled in front of them, a clip and belay loop the only equipment on it. 

"How's that work then?"

"You clip on, same as always, then step off the platform. That mechanism up there keeps you from plummeting to the ground," said Kate as she started to clip onto the rope.

"But ... wait ... I mean... how do you know it's going to work?"

"I watched the person in front of me do it. It looked rather fun, actually."

"You have a very suspect idea of fun."

"We've come this far. We have to see it through." Kate reached back and squeezed Caroline's shoulder reassuringly. 

"All right then. See you at the bottom."

Kate faced forward and then stepped right off the platform. Caroline watched as she was lowered to the ground in a controlled descent. She unclipped herself and then the rope came sailing back up.

Caroline clipped herself in, then took a deep breath. She went to step off the platform, but she couldn't. Some self-preservation mechanism had kicked in, and even though she just saw Kate do it, she couldn't make her body move. She sat down on the platform. 

"Nearly there. You can do it," shouted Kate. 

Caroline looked down, which was a mistake. "I'm not sure I can."

"I know you can. Just close your eyes and jump. Or, well, slide off."

Caroline closed her eyes and counted backwards from ten. When she got to three, she was seized with the urge to get it over with, so she leaned forward and then suddenly found herself gliding downward, gently, like a leaf on a breeze. Her feet touched the ground and she opened her eyes to find Kate right in front of her.

Kate threw her arms around her. "You did great!"

"Well, I don't know that's strictly true, but it's over now, at least." 

Kate squeezed her then stepped back as Caroline unclipped herself. She felt an odd sense of a lost moment, that she'd missed her chance, but she'd just made one big leap. She didn't know if she had it in her to make another. 

^^^  
After they'd returned their safety gear, they got coffees and cakes and sat on the wooden deck that overlooked the adventure course.

“I can't believe you talked me into that,” said Caroline, warming her hands around her coffee mug.

“You make it sound like I twisted your arm,” protested Kate. “All I did was ask if you'd like to join me.”

“I could scarcely say no. What would you have thought of me?”

“I've told you before. There's nothing that could make me think less of you.”

Caroline smiled and then looked around. “I think we're the oldest people here.”

“Oldest and boldest,” replied Kate with a wink.

She watched Caroline take a sip of coffee and then look out past the adventure course to the climbing wall, an impressively tall structure with what seemed like tiny and ill-places handholds. The silence stretched between them until Kate finally broke it.

“Penny for them?”

Caroline shook her head. “You'd be over-paying, even at that rate.”

“I'm curious where you went, just now. You seemed to slip away somewhere.”

Caroline gave a dismissive wave and shook her head. “This is going to sound mad, but I was thinking about the Berlin Wall.”

“That wouldn't have made my top fifty guesses. But I'd need more information before I could say whether it was mad.” Kate gave a half-shrug.

“I was at Oxford, working on my PhD when the wall came down. I couldn't stop thinking about those poor sods on the East Berlin side. How difficult that must have been to leave behind the cocoon and venture out into a world where all the rules had just changed.”

“But they were getting freedom. And their identities back after all those years. Certainly they must have felt elated.”

Caroline looked down into her mug. “I'm sure a lot of them – most...most of them did. But I bet there was at least a handful who were terrified. And maybe even paralyzed by it. All we got to see were the celebrators.”

“That's a .... different.... perspective,” said Kate.

“I'm probably being silly, but I can't help but feel like wall might have meant safety to someone and the removal of the wall would have meant...” Caroline trailed off.

“Freedom, but chaos,” Kate offered. She waited, patiently, feeling like that time her dad had taken her for a walk in the woods at dusk and they'd startled a fawn, then froze and hoped that it didn't run off.

Caroline gave a stilted laugh. “Don't mind me. My brush with death on that adventure course has turned me strangely philosophical.”

“Maybe so,” agreed Kate. She waited a few beats, then summoned her courage. “Hey, since the boys are at that wedding, I was thinking you might like to have dinner at mine.”

An unreadable expression flickered on Caroline's face, just for an instant. Then she shook her head. “That's a lovely offer, but I've so much paperwork to catch up on. I'm afraid I just can't.”

“Another time,” said Kate, hoping that she didn't look as disappointed as she felt.

^^^  


The next afternoon, Kate felt predictably stiff and a little bit achy. Her 40s had kind of snuck up on her, and every once in a while, her body reminded her that she wasn't getting any younger. It wasn't bad, but a trip to the gym to soak in the whirlpool would sort her right out. 

She picked up her phone and considered ringing Caroline and asking her along. She'd ask a friend, wouldn't she? Although Caroline wasn't exactly a friend and the offer seemed rife with the opportunity for awkward misunderstanding. 

“Look at yourself. You're debating asking the head teacher of your school to join you in a hot tub. What are you like?” Kate said the words out loud to hear how ridiculous she sounded. 

These feelings she had for Caroline had been bubbling up for the last several weeks. Ever since they started spending more time together. Kate had been feeling like a damn besotted teenager. She suspected that some of the boys in 9F were able to concentrate better than she could, especially if Caroline was in the vicinity. 

It wasn't a problem. Yet. Because, as crazy as this sounded, Kate could detect some interest. Something had passed between them on the platform of that adventure course, after Caroline had confessed a fear of heights. Perhaps she should have made a move then, but it hadn't felt like the time. Not to mention they were trapped with each other for the rest of the course, if it happened that Kate had misread the situation. 

She shuddered as her imagination played the worst-case scenario. Yes, she'd made the right decision. But still...the potential of a relationship with Caroline tugged at her heart. 

She sighed and picked up her mobile and tapped out a text. 

_How are you feeling? Hope you're not too sore. Thanks for going with me. I do hope you had fun._

Her thumb landed on the Send button before she could second-guess herself. Then she busied herself with collecting her gear for going to the gym. A light workout and a good soak would see her right.

She was opening the door of her car when her phone chimed with a text from Caroline. 

_I ache in muscles I didn't know I had, but yes, I had a good time. Thanks for taking me out of my comfort zone. I hadn't even known that I needed it._

^^^  


Caroline sat in the tea room in Harrowgate, waiting for Kate to join her. A pot of tea sat on the table, along with a pair of cups. A certain nervousness nipped at the edge of her consciousness as she debated with herself whether to say something to Kate about the feelings she had for her, the wonderful and slightly worrisome feelings that had only grown stronger over the last two weeks, ever since they'd done the adventure course together.

“Sorry I'm late. Parking was even more of a nightmare than usual. You'd think they were giving away the cure for old age or something,” said Kate as she took off her jacket and draped it on the back of her chair. 

“Well, they certainly don't give it away, but if you're willing to pay...” Caroline smiled. 

“I'd pay for quality, but not for quantity,” said Kate as Caroline poured their tea.

“Caroline! Good to see you. I thought that was you.” A tall, slightly rumpled bespectacled man pulled out the third chair at the table and sat down, quite uninvited.

“I'm sorry, but you're....?” 

“Nigel Harrigton, lecturer in Joyce at York. We met at the last few holiday parties. I was so sorry to hear about you and John. Terrible shock.”

Caroline looked over at Kate, who had an uncomfortable but polite smile pasted on her face. “Nigel, this is Kate. She teaches modern languages at the school. I actually have important business to discuss with her and our time is limited, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to say good-bye to you now.”

“Listen, now that you're presumably on the market again, I'd like to go out with you. I always thought you deserved better than John.”

“You're making a lot of assumptions there. And you know what they say about assumptions.” Caroline gave him her best icy smile and stared at him, which had the desired effect. He jumped up, mumbled some excuses and left.

Kate waited until he was out of the door before she started laughing. “I never want to get on the wrong side of you.”

“I doubt you could,” said Caroline. She thought about how easy it would be to say something else, to invite Kate somewhere more private, to hint at the way she was feeling. But she found that she couldn't make her mouth form the words because she was acutely aware of all the other people in the place. 

And so instead, she asked an innocuous question about Kate's evening as she watched another opportunity to get what she really wanted recede into the distance. 

^^^

Kate knocked hesitantly on the office door before pushing it open. Caroline looked up, startled.

“Happy Friday! Bertie let me in on his way out. I brought dinner,” said Kate, holding up a carry-out bag from a curry place that she knew Caroline was fond of.

Caroline took off her glasses. “That was very kind, thank you. But how did you know I'd be here?”

“The independent inspection is coming up and it's John's night to take the boys. Where else would you be?” asked Kate with an easy smile as she brought the food over to the conference table.

Caroline joined her and looked inside the bag. “Wine as well? You really are heaven-sent.”

“Yes, although we're going to have to drink it out of teacups, I'm afraid.”

“My standards are sufficiently low enough at the moment that I don't care. Although there are some glass tumblers in that cabinet there, for the water at board meetings. We can use those instead.”

Kate got out the glasses while Caroline took out the food and set up one place setting at the head of the table and one right next to it.

The meal passed pleasantly. Caroline vented a bit about the upcoming inspection. Kate told an entertaining story about the boy in her Spanish class who confused the words for embarrassed and pregnant. Caroline made them tea afterwards.

“When the boys were small, my favorite time of the week was Friday nights. After they were in bed and the kitchen was clean and I could relax and see the whole weekend stretched out in front of me. Then they got older and went to bed later and the weekend was full of swimming lessons and rugby matches.” Caroline trailed off and looked into her teacup.

“And now?”

She sighed. “Now I realize that it's all been downhill, leading to this weird place where my weekends are somehow both empty and packed, usually just with work. Although sometimes, with these spots of loveliness.”

Kate smiled and a moment stretched between them. She'd been wanting to say something for a couple of weeks, but she hadn't been able to find the courage or the right time or the right words.

“Caroline, can I tell you something?”

“I would've thought you'd know that you could.” Concern crossed her face.

Kate smiled, trying to put them both at ease while she came up with the perfect words. But then, she realized there were no perfect words. There was just getting it out.

“Caroline, I have the _biggest_ crush on you. I'm not sure that you see... that you realize... the effect you have on me. And, well....your life only has to be as empty as you want it to be.”

Caroline blushed and looked down while a couple of half-syllables came out of her mouth.

“I hope I haven't stepped in it, but I wanted to tell you, in case there was a way forward for us together. And if there's not, I will be professional and friendly.”

Kate looked away and then felt Caroline's hand on hers. She felt warmth and hope in her heart. And when she turned back, Caroline kissed her. Tentative and shy at first and then deepening into a proper kiss that made Kate's stomach somersault.

When they pulled back, Kate could feel a new electricity in the way that Caroline looked her her, and it emboldened her.

“Would you like to come over tonight?”

“I would like to, very much...but I don't think I should. You know, work and the boys. And, well...I need to....maybe we could take it a bit slowly...slower....slow-ish?”

Kate could see the desire mixed with discomfort. Nothing about this was going to be easy, but nothing worth doing ever was. She put on her most reassuring smile.

“Absolutely, Caroline. I don't mind the pace, as long as I'm on the road with you.”

/end


End file.
